Jokes Of The Week - 06/21/2008
By Bloggaman | June 21, 2008 3:52 am
MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE:
NICKNAMES
- If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
- If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
EATING OUT
- When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
- When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
- A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
- A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.
BATHROOMS
- A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
- The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
- A woman has the last word in any argument.
- Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
- A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
- A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
- A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
- A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
- A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
- Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
- Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
- Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
- A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!
Topics: Jokes of the Week | No Comments »
Flooding In The Midwest
By Bloggaman | June 20, 2008 3:09 am
The other day I showed you a few pictures from Cedar Rapids and the flooding that was occurring at the time. Things have calmed a lot in Cedar Rapids and now the trouble is further south. Iowa City is seeing increased river levels and worst yet is Columbus Junction.
Cedar Rapids was flooded by the Cedar River. Iowa City has the Iowa River. Columbus Junction is where both of those rivers meet. They have all kinds of trouble there and after what I saw in Cedar Rapids, I feel for them. I wish them well and hope they can make it through this tough time. This is the type of flood that can devastate a city.
First, here is a video showing the flooding in Cedar Rapids. It is hard to see where the river is in this video. If you want an idea, paused the video at the 29 second mark. You can see the ripple made by the three bridges that cross the Cedar River. To the top left is Interstate 380. There are buildings between the bridges. That is actually Mays Island and the river flows on both sides. You can’t easily tell that from this video.
Second, here is a great video by the Des Moines Register that shows how Iowa City flooded and the number of areas affected. Best explanation for those that don’t know Iowa City. At one point on a map they show Kinnick Stadium, I work right across the street from there. My location wasn’t affected by the flooding but everywhere around there was. This is the damage caused by the Iowa River.
So you see what Cedar Rapids and Iowa City saw. Now imagine both of those rivers heading towards Columbus Junction. They will get the worst of it. Here is a video that talks about the flooding in Columbus Junction and other areas.
Here is another video that talks more about the flooding expected in Columbus Junction.
It will be a couple weeks before things really calm down in Iowa. The cleanup will take a long time and so many homes are lost. They say in Cedar Rapids alone, about 60% of the flooded homes will have to be bulldozed. Like one person said today, I see some nice parks in the not too distant future. I don’t see a lot of people rebuilding in the same area.
I was sent this link the other day. It has some more great pics about the flooding in Cedar Rapids. They truly show how bad this flood was.
http://www.andrealynnphoto.com/CRflood2008/
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In Honor Of Tim Russert
By Bloggaman | June 18, 2008 10:10 am
As many of you are aware, Tim Russert, the NBC host of Meet the Press and NBC News Washington Bureau Chief passed away Friday, June 13 from a heart attack. His private funeral was today and it was attended by many leaders including President Bush and Democratic nominee Barack Obama. Many of the NBC notables were also there including Today host Matt Lauer, NBC News host Brian Williams and former Today host Bryant Gumbel.
I didn’t know Tim Russert personally but I had a great deal of respect for the man that he was. He seemed like a very nice man and was a great interviewer. He let the person he interviewed take center stage and didn’t try to do anything to change that. I was saddened by the news of his passing and my condolences go out to his wife and son. Tim Russert was a national treasure and I am sad to know I won’t be able to watch him anymore.
Tim Russert
1950 - 2008
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Why The Opposition To Gay Marriage?
By Bloggaman | June 17, 2008 3:25 am
I saw a story on Yahoo yesterday that mentioned all the same-sex couples that were marrying in California. I applaud the decision by California. I am not gay so you may wonder why I care about a law in California. Well I have always been for gay marriage since it became a bigger issue a couple years ago.
Massachusetts was the first state to legalize gay marriage and now California is the second. There has been a mad rush again for gay couples to get married under this change in the law. It isn’t a surprise. Many of these couples have been together for decades and finally see a chance to marry. I don’t blame them.
Now many people don’t believe in gay marriage. The main reason is they feel marriage is only between a man and a woman. While marriages have been between a man and a woman to this point I am not against gay couples having the right to marry. Why should I be? Is a marriage between two men or two women going to hurt me? Is it going to make my marriage less meaningful? Since nearly half of all marriages end in divorce what will gay marriage do to that number?
Now when I first started my support for this argument it was based on a funny reason. My thought was, why shouldn’t gay couples be as miserable as the rest of us? Why should straight people have to experience the pain of marriage. Now obviously this was a joke but marriage isn’t easy. I read where one gay couple had been together for 55 years. I read where another had been together for 29 years. I say let them get married and make things official.
Now if you look at this from a biblical sense it is thought of as immoral. When the Bible was written did they have a clue there could be same-sex couples, homosexuality, etc. I doubt they did. I think homosexuals have been able to come out of the closet just recently so 200 years ago what was life like? Now look back 2000 years to how life was like then. I don’t go with the belief that the Bible said it was wrong. I am not an expert on the Bible though so some may have something to dispute what I am saying.
To summarize, here are the reasons I am for gay marriage:
- It doesn’t hurt anyone by letting gay couples marry.
- Gay or straight, if they love each other they should be allowed to marry.
- Gay couples should have the right to benefit from marriage like the rest of us.
- About 50% of straight marriages end in divorce, maybe they can improve that number.
- I don’t believe the Bible should dictate how we act nearly 2000 years after it was written.
- Why shouldn’t they have to deal with the pain of marriage like the rest of us.
As I stated before, I am not gay but I am married. I don’t see gay people as confused, weird, goofy, lost, etc. We are all human beings whether we are white, black, red, straight, gay, bi, etc, and we all need to learn how to live together.
Topics: Current Events, Politics, State Politics | No Comments »
Cedar Rapids Flood Of 2008
By Bloggaman | June 16, 2008 3:00 am
For those of you that don’t live in Iowa you may not have heard about the huge floods in Iowa. I actually live near Cedar Rapids and work in Iowa City and both cities have been affected by the floods. I have some pictures that show just how much the water has risen above normal.
Here is a picture of Mays Island on a normal day.
Now here is Mays Island as the waters began to rise.
Now here is a picture of Mays Island once the Cedar River crested.
Here is a picture looking north. Note the railroad bridge.
Here is the railroad bridge from the previous picture. It has numerous boat houses and let loose upriver and came to rest against the bridge.
Cedar Rapids has been hit pretty hard by this flood. In fact a good portion of Iowa has been hit awfully hard. Damage is estimate in the hundreds of millions and could hit a billion dollars. If you would like to donate please send any donations to the address below.
Donations may be sent to:
Greater Cedar Rapids Community Foundation
PO Box 9
Marion, Iowa 52302
If you would like to see more about the Iowa Floods you can go to any of the links below:
Topics: Current Events | No Comments »
One Of The Greatest TV Episodes Of All-Time
By Bloggaman | June 15, 2008 3:22 am
This morning I heard some co-workers discussing an episode from WKRP in Cincinnati. For those of you that have never heard of WKRP in Cincinnati you aren’t alone. It didn’t last long on TV but during its first season they had an episode that has to go down as one of the best of all time. It was obviously around Thanksgiving and Mr. Carlson, the station manager, was feeling left out and decided to come up with a promotion. I will only say it involves a helicopter, a banner and some turkeys. The rest you will have to watch yourself. I have the highlights of the funny part in question just below and if you continue down further I have a link to the full episode if you would like to watch the entire show from start to finish.
Click here for a link to the full episode if you would like to watch the entire hilarious episode.
Topics: Television, Video | No Comments »
Jokes Of The Week - 06/14/2008
By Bloggaman | June 14, 2008 3:02 am
Ole and Lena
Ole, out on the golf course, takes a high speed ball right in the crotch.
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.
He said “How bad is it doc? . . . I’m going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiancée, Lena , is still a wirgin - in every vay”. The doctor told him, “I’ll have to put your Willie in a splint to let it heal and keep
It straight. It should be okay next week.”
He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together . . . Quite an impressive work of art.
Ole mentions none of this to Lena , marries her, and they go on their honeymoon.
That night in the motel room, Lena rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful untouched breasts. She said, “You’re the first vun. No vun has EVER seen deez.”
Ole immediately drops his pants and replies, . . . . “Look at dis, ….still in DA CRATE
——————————————————————
DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN’S PERSONAL ADS:
40-ish………………………………………49
Adventurous……………..Slept with everyone
Athletic………………………………..No tits
Average looking………………..Ugly
Beautiful………………………Pathological liar
Contagious Smile………………Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure………………….On medication
Feminist……………………………………Fat
Free spirit………………………………Junkie
Friendship first……………………..Former Ho
Fun……………………………………Annoying
New-Age………….Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned………………………..No BJs
Open-minded……………………………Desperate
Outgoing…………………..Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate………………………….Sloppy drunk
Professional………………………………Bi tch
Voluptuous……………………………..Very Fat
Large frame……………………………Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate………………………….Stalker
WOMEN’S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you’ll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You’re in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
MEN’S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let’s have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I’d like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you
11. I don’t think those shoes go with that outfit = I’m gay
And finally…..
A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a red hot poker shoved up his ass.
Send this to a man that needs a laugh or to a woman with a sense of humor!!
Topics: Jokes of the Week | No Comments »
Are You A Hypermiler?
By Bloggaman | June 13, 2008 2:44 am
Do you know what a hypermiler is? If you don’t you aren’t alone. At the same time, you will likely hear about it a lot more as we work our way through the summer months and the gas prices continue at their current levels and even increase more.
First, what exactly is Hypermiling? Well for one, it isn’t a new term. It has actually been around for a few years. It has just gained in noteriety because of the insanely high gas prices of late. I don’t use Wikipedia as a true resource but I like the definition they have for Hypermilers.
Drivers who exceed the United States Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) estimated fuel efficiency on their vehicles by drastically modifying their driving habits, sometimes even without regard for the safety implications of other drivers or the law.
OK, that is a great definition but what does a Hypermiler do to increase their gas mileage? I am glad you asked because I have a list of techniques they use to do just that.
- Tire pressure and balance - low tire pressure means it takes more energy to get your car up to, and keep it at a certain speed. Hypermilers inflate their tires to the maximum recommended pressure. They check often to make sure it stays close to that pressure as well.
- Tire balance and wheel alignment - Hypermilers like lighter cars but that means you need to make sure the tires are balanced and aligned. It doesn’t help to save money on gas and spend more on tires that don’t last as long. This is something that should be done even if you are not a Hypermiler.
- Minimize the weight - Like I said in the previous point, lighter cars get better gas mileage. This means you leave the extra crap at home if you don’t need it.
- Watch your speed - I have seen this a lot and as much as I understand it I don’t usually follow it that well. I have a leadfoot and should slow down. If you want to save gas you should stay within 35 to 55 MPH when possible.
- Avoid stops - The more stop signs and stop lights you come across, the more gas you are likely to use. If you sit for a minute idling, you are using gas. If you can find a route with minimal stops you are saving gas mileage. Hypermilers go to the extreme of stopping their cars at stop lights if it will be more than 10 to 15 seconds.
- Lower weight oil - by using a lower weight oil it will take less energy to pump the oil through the engine. Hypermilers also keep oil levels at the lowest possible level. Please note that you need to be careful with this. You could damage your engine if you let oil levels fall too low.
- Hybrid cars - Hypermilers tend to favor hybrid cars but they can improve gas mileage on non-hybrids as well. Hybrid cars have features that tend to help with some of the Hypermiler techniques.
- Scan Gauge - Watch fuel consumption, cost-per-mile, coolant temperature, engine speed, horsepower, and much more in real time. You can use this tool to see the effect your driving habits have on the overall mileage you are getting. Can do so much more but the Hypermilers want that feature the most.
I think you have a pretty good idea what a Hypermiler is now. You can make your own decisions as to how much you want to do to save gas mileage. Either way there are some common sense things that we all should do to save ourselves the money. Good luck and happy driving.
I have also included a story from CNN about hypermiling. Good information all around.
Topics: Money | No Comments »
A Baseball Fans Dream - 30 Parks In 30 Days - Part 2
By Bloggaman | June 12, 2008 2:48 am
In Part 1 of this story I talked about my dream of visiting all 30 Major League ballparks in one year. I then took it a step further and thought why not do 30 parks in 30 days. A major undertaking? Yes. Impossible? Maybe. If you read the first part of the story you likely took a look at the map of the US with the most likely path to take should you try to tackle this goal.
What I also mentioned is that getting tickets for games and the games actually falling in a way that would make the map work is nearly impossible. I would have to be very lucky to try and get that to work out. Well I am going to see exactly how hard this task would be.
I am going to try and get tickets for 30 games in 30 different parks and try to make it work with the map I posted on Tuesday. If I can’t do that I will see if I can manage 30 parks in 30 days while staying close to where I left off. This means I won’t look for tickets in Anaheim for one day and then look in Texas or Florida the next day. Remember, I am driving so that just won’t work.
The original starting point was Seattle so that is where I started. It didn’t take me long to see how difficult 30 parks in 30 days would be. I quickly realized it would have to be 30 parks in as close to 30 days as possible. Granted, I am using the 2008 schedule and being in June we have already lost 1/3 of the season. This makes things even harder to work out.
I started in June and tried to get through Arizona without missing a day. I couldn’t even do that and eventually ended up starting on August 9th with a game in Seattle, as planned. Below you can see the layout of the cities and games with the date I figured out, the time of the game and the mileage from the previous city.
If you looked at the map from the day before you can see that the mileage was about 9300 miles. In the game listing below you will notice it is 10,700+ miles. This was the best I could do and not only could I not get it in 30 days it worked out to 39 days. The path I used wasn’t the same as the map I laid out either. I may try this again next season and see if I can get it closer to 30 days. I think it is nearly impossible but would still be a fun thing to try. If there were games in the same city on the same day but at different time I could actually get 2 done in one day and still meet the 30 parks in 30 days but that doesn’t happen very often.
If someone is interested in something like this and try to figure it out I would love to see your results. I even thought of trying 30 parks in 30 days while including the All-Star game in the mix. Maybe I will try that next year. Either, I hope you enjoy the attempt at figuring this out. What would be even more fun would be to try this. Maybe someday.
| Team | Date of game | Time (Local) | Miles from previous location |
| Seattle | August 9 | 7:10pm | |
| San Francisco | August 10 | 1:05pm | 809 |
| Oakland | August 12 | 7:05pm | 13 |
| Anaheim | August 13 | 7:05pm | 397 |
| Los Angeles | August 14 | 7:10pm | 26 |
| San Diego | August 15 | 7:05pm | 121 |
| Arizona | August 19 | 6:40pm | 356 |
| Colorado | August 22 | 7:05pm | 913 |
| Kansas City | August 23 | 6:10pm | 606 |
| Texas | August 24 | 7:05pm | 563 |
| Houston | August 26 | 7:05pm | 257 |
| Atlanta | August 27 | 7:00pm | 795 |
| Tampa Bay | August 28 | 7:10pm | 458 |
| Florida | August 29 | 7:10pm | 285 |
| Washington | August 30 | 7:10pm | 1057 |
| Pittsburgh | August 31 | 1:35pm | 227 |
| Indians | September 1 | 7:05pm | 216 |
| Reds | September 2 | 7:10pm | 550 |
| Cubs | September 3 | 7:05pm | 243 |
| Brewers | September 4 | 8:05pm | 265 |
| Twins | September 5 | 7:10pm | 527 |
| Cardinals | September 6 | 7:15pm | 192 |
| White Sox | September 7 | TBD | 94 |
| Tigers | September 8 | 7:05pm | 305 |
| Orioles | September 9 | 7:05pm | 529 |
| Philadelphia | September 10 | 4:05pm | 106 |
| Yankees | September 12 | 7:05pm | 94 |
| Mets | September 13 | 3:55pm | 10 |
| Red Sox | September 14 | 1:35pm | 216 |
| Toronto | September 16 | 7:07pm | 550 |
| Total Miles | 10780 |
Topics: Sports, Travel | No Comments »
Free, Free, Free Stuff
By Bloggaman | June 11, 2008 3:42 am
Have you ever seen an ad that wants you to click there to receive some free merchandise? Whether it be a free Xbox 360, Sony PS3, Nintendo Wii, plane tickets, hotel rooms or anything else you can think of. I have seen them before and in fact I know a guy that used a site like this to get a free Xbox 360 so I know it has worked for at least one person. I have even tried it myself but been very careful when I did it. I wasn’t sure what could happen but I never wanted to give all my information. I now know why. Read the rest of this entry »
Topics: General | No Comments »
