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Jokes Of The Week - 06/14/2008
By Bloggaman | June 14, 2008
Ole and Lena
Ole, out on the golf course, takes a high speed ball right in the crotch.
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.
He said “How bad is it doc? . . . I’m going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiancée, Lena , is still a wirgin - in every vay”. The doctor told him, “I’ll have to put your Willie in a splint to let it heal and keep
It straight. It should be okay next week.”
He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together . . . Quite an impressive work of art.
Ole mentions none of this to Lena , marries her, and they go on their honeymoon.
That night in the motel room, Lena rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful untouched breasts. She said, “You’re the first vun. No vun has EVER seen deez.”
Ole immediately drops his pants and replies, . . . . “Look at dis, ….still in DA CRATE
——————————————————————
DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN’S PERSONAL ADS:
40-ish………………………………………49
Adventurous……………..Slept with everyone
Athletic………………………………..No tits
Average looking………………..Ugly
Beautiful………………………Pathological liar
Contagious Smile………………Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure………………….On medication
Feminist……………………………………Fat
Free spirit………………………………Junkie
Friendship first……………………..Former Ho
Fun……………………………………Annoying
New-Age………….Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned………………………..No BJs
Open-minded……………………………Desperate
Outgoing…………………..Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate………………………….Sloppy drunk
Professional………………………………Bi tch
Voluptuous……………………………..Very Fat
Large frame……………………………Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate………………………….Stalker
WOMEN’S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you’ll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You’re in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
MEN’S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let’s have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I’d like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you
11. I don’t think those shoes go with that outfit = I’m gay
And finally…..
A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a red hot poker shoved up his ass.
Send this to a man that needs a laugh or to a woman with a sense of humor!!
Topics: Jokes of the Week |
