« Pictures Of India | Home | Best Discount Travel Site - Hotwire »
Jokes Of The Week - 05/17/08
By Bloggaman | May 17, 2008
US Marine And The Iraqi Terrorist
A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.
The Marine reported, “I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south
was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein is a miserable, lowlife scumbag, and he yelled back that Ted Kennedy is a good-for-nothing, fat, left wing liberal drunk. So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!
He retaliated by yelling, Oh yeah? Well, so does Hillary Clinton! And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us.
—————————————–
Bobbitt Family Update
In a recent news broadcast, it was announced that Lorena Bobbitt’s sister Louella was arrested for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago. Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena.
She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing severe muscle and tendon damage. The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable condition, and Louella has been charged with ….. A Misdewiener!
_______________________________________________
$99 Cruise
A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, Cruise Special—$99. She goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, “I’d like the $99 cruise special please”
The agent grabs her, drags her to the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and down the hill to the river, where he pushes her in and sends her floating.
A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 special. She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river. Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blond. They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks, ” do they serve refreshments on this cruse?”
The second blonde replies, “they didn’t last year”.
————————————–
Water is for bathing
It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E. coli) bacteria found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of Poo.
However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, beer or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
WATER = Poo
WINE = HEALTH
Ergo: It is better to drink wine and talk stupid than to drink water and be full of crap. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information; I am doing it as a public service.
————————————————
There are three kinds of men.
The one who learns by reading.
The few who learn by observation.
The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
Topics: Jokes of the Week |
