« Death Has Cheerleading In The Spotlight | Home | Do You Want To Be Paris Hilton’s Best Friend? »
Jokes Of The Week - 04/26/2008
By Bloggaman | April 26, 2008
This is your Captain
A jumbo jet is making its final approach to Tampa Airport. The pilot comes on the intercom, ‘This is your Captain. We’re on ou r final descent into Tampa . I want to thank you for flying with us today and hope you enjoy your stay in the Tampa Bay area’.
He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit. The copilotcan be heard saying to the pilot, ‘So, Skip, whatcha got planned whil e we’re in Tampa ?’
‘Well,’ says the skipper, ‘first I’m gonna check into the hotel, take a big crap….then I’m gonna take that new stewardess with the huge tits out for dinner…. I’m gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and give her a ride on the baloney pony all night long.’
Aghast and amused, everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the aisle, trying to figure out who this new stewardess is that the pilot’s talking about.
Meanwhile, the new stewardess is seated at the very back of the plane. She is so embarrassed that she starts running toward the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady’s bag and down she goes.
The old lady leans over and says: ‘No need to hurry, dear. He’s gotta land the plane and take a shit first.
—————————————–
Happy Hour In West Virginia
A redneck is driving down a back road in West Virginia.
A sign in front of a restaurant reads:
HAPPY HOUR SPECIAL - Lobster Tail and Beer
‘Lord almighty,’ he says to himself, ‘my three favorite things!!’
———————————————-
Are you a Democrat, a Republican or a Southerner?
Here is a little test that will help you decide.
The answer can be found by posing the following question:
You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small
children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around
the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah,
raises the knife, a nd charges at you. You are carrying a Glock cal 40,
and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches
you and your family. What do you do?
……………………………………………………
Democrat’s Answer:
Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message
does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away
while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day, and make this
a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends
for few days and try to come to a consensus.
…………………………………………………
Republican’s Answer:
BANG!
………………………………………………..
Southerner’s Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click….. (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click
Daughter: “Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver
Tips or Hollow Points?”
Son: “Can I shoot the next one!”
Wife: “You ain’t taking that to the Taxidermist.”
Topics: Jokes of the Week |
